Pregnant or Not?

After the miscarriage, I decided not to chart the following month. My doctor said it would take about three weeks for my body to recover and become fertile again anyway. After the three week period, I went back to charting using the Kindara app for iPhone. I found it very helpful to be able to customize the fertility signs I wanted to track, and to have built in reminders to take my temperature in the morning and to chart cervical fluid in the afternoon. After charting for about a month, I was back to feeling the frustration I had since the very beginning with Natural Family Planning. During that first post-miscarriage cycle, I had no signs of fertility and what appeared to be a withdrawal bleed. My doctor assured me that it can take up to three months for a body to recover from miscarriage and that I should just be patient. The following cycle was similar, and I was starting to get worried. The third post-miscarriage cycle my husband and I decided that the pressure of charting just wasn't worth it. God would give us a baby in his time whether we were ready or not.

After being pregnant, even though it was unplanned, I really started to want to have a baby, so I got really excited when my period was late that cycle. I took a pregnancy test at what would have been one week late. It came back negative, so I thought that maybe I ovulated late. I took two more tests the following week, after my period was three weeks late and I had taken six pregnancy tests- all negative- I gave up and called my doctor. It was back to the progesterone induced withdrawal bleed. After my "period", I went in to have an ultrasound to check if my ovaries were working correctly. They looked good with follicles developing as they should and no cysts. The only thing that the ultrasound revealed was that I had a slightly thickened uterine lining, which was likely due to the irregular cycles I was having. I've got to tell you that when you have been trying to find an answer for medical issues for 6 months, then endured a miscarriage, and the search has to continue on you begin to feel defeated.

My doctor put me on watch for the next cycle (my current cycle). I needed to chart and let her know if there were no signs of ovulation by day 18. Guess what- nothing. It is now day 31 of my cycle and I am again at the point where I begin to debate taking a pregnancy test to see if I miraculously became pregnant without fertile mucus, or if I just give in and go to the doctor for another progesterone cycle. I have by no means been deemed infertile yet, but I am beginning to see how awful it is for those women who have been trying for years and still have empty arms. I pray that everyone will be able to know the love of a child someday.