What can charting my cycles tell me?

When I first started charting my cycles, the goal was to postpone pregnancy. (Yes you can actually quite accurately predict ovulation so as to postpone pregnancy.) The only problem was that as I charted my cycles, I began to see that they were long and there were patches of subfertile cervical fluid throughout these long cycles. Since we were only charting cervical fluid in the beginning, this made it very difficult to identify ovulation so as to prevent pregnancy at that time. I began seeing my doctor to find out what the issue was. We suspected PCOS, but I ended up pregnant-after I threw my chart in frustration and decided to do the deed anyway-so we could not complete testing. After our miscarriage, my doctor recommended adding basal body temp and even cervical position to my charts. After reading a few books and talking to my doctor I also added more subtle signs to my charts. Over the past month, I have become more and more serious about charting my cycles. Today this is the list of symptoms I watch and what a sample chart looks like for me (I use the Kindara app on my iPhone):

So what does all of this mean? Well, lets start with cervical fluid. There are different types of cervical fluid throughout your cycle. Your cycle always begins with your period or a withdrawal bleed. So the first week or so of your cycle, you will mark down how heavy your period is. A long heavy period can indicate low progesterone. Oftentimes your period is followed by a few dry days where there is no cervical fluid. If you are ovulating, your body then begins to produce increasingly wet cervical fluid until it reaches slippery egg-white fluid. This indicates ovulation and if you want to get pregnant you better take advantage of that good stuff. My first charted cycles had patches of wet, but not slippery fluid. This indicated that I was trying to ovulate, but it wasn't working. This is quite typical of PCOS. Finally after ovulation your body should go back to having dry days.

Basal body temperature cannot help us predict ovulation like cervical fluid can, but it can help us confirm that ovulation occurred. During the first part of your cycle, your temperature is relatively low. Somewhere in the 97* range is normal. After ovulation you see a rise in temperature and the temperature remains high until your period comes back around. If your temperature remains high for 18 or more days, it is highly likely that you are pregnant! If you do not see this temperature rise, it is likely you have had an anovulatory cycle. Finally, if you have a temperature that widely ranges throughout your cycle or a very low temperature, you may be looking at thyroid issues. My constant low body temperature made me quite suspicious that there was a problem with my thyroid. My doctor ran thyroid tests, and we found that I did indeed have a slightly low thyroid function.

Cervical position and the other symptoms listed help to identify/confirm ovulation as well, and when charted over many cycles might show a pattern that helps to identify other issues along the way. Isn't it amazing how knowing and watching your body can help you to identify potential problems or when to have sex to avoid or achieve pregnancy?

I use NFP. Do you?

It amazes me when I talk to women, especially those trying to conceive, that so few know how to chart their cycles. The amount of information we can gain from charting our cycles is amazing! (watch for a follow up blog post on this) Charting your cycles can tell you when to have sex so as to get pregnant or avoid getting pregnant. It can alert you to when there may be fertility or even thyroid issues. Why are young women not being taught the beauty of their fertility and how to watch that fertility work cycle to cycle? This makes me rather upset. I certainly wish that I knew these things sooner, but now that I know what I do, I really hope I can help out other ladies as they learn about their bodies.
So what does it mean to chart your cycles? What does it look like? How much time does it take? Charting your cycles consists of watching for signs of ovulation throughout your cycle. You only ovulate once a cycle, so you can identify which day you ovulated to avoid or achieve pregnancy. The most important sign to watch in order to identify ovulation is cervical fluid. When I first started charting, this was the only sign I used. I later added temping (taking basal body temperature immediately after waking) and cervical position. Some women also choose to chart more subtle signs or use ovulation predictor kits in addition to their charts.
In the beginning charting can be confusing, but it is so worth it. Like I said, when I first started charting, I was only watching my cervical fluid. This is fairly simple, if you have a regular cycle. Throughout your cycle your body goes from having no vaginal discharge to maybe sticky or creamy to a very slippery almost egg-white like discharge. This egg-white discharge is fertile cervical fluid. This may happen for one to three days, then your body will return to having very little discharge until you reach your period and the cycle begins again. Now if you have PCOS you might experience patches of fluid. You may notice that you are slightly wet throughout your whole cycle. Every person is different and it's important to remember that your chart will likely look different from your neighbors.
Since I have PCOS my cervical fluid was very hard to understand. I was advised by my doctor to begin taking my temperature every morning as soon as I woke up. This is called basal body temperature. If you are ovulating, your temperature will generally begin low and stay low until ovulation. Once you ovulate (slippery egg-white cervical mucus time) your temperature will rise by about a degree. This indicates that you did ovulate and is caused by the increase in progesterone after ovulation. If you are not ovulating you will not see this increase.
You can also chart your cervical position. This is still a fertility sign that I struggle with observing. In order to observe this sign, you need to squat in a similar position at the same time everyday, then insert a finger into your vagina to feel for your cervix. Your cervix will be either high, low, or medium and firm, soft, or medium. You also observe how open it is. If you have had children, it may always feel slightly open. If you choose to chart this sign, you may want to check out the Beautiful Cervix Project at beautifulcervix.com
This is just the basics of charting your cycles. There are many other signs and signals that I will talk about in following blogs, but in the meantime if you want to learn more about charting your cycles I recommend you read the book Taking Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler. You can also look into taking NFP classes through your local Catholic diocese or checking out these websites: www.boma-usa.org or www.ccli.org
Know your body. Love your body. Serve your body.
Blessings!

The importance of knowledge.

As I continue on this fertility journey, I find myself extremely grateful for my Catholic faith and Young Living Essential Oils. Let me explain. I have come to truly believe that knowledge is power. When you know your body, supplements, herbs, and oils, and your diagnosis, you can truly take charge of your own health. Now its pretty obvious that being a part of Young Living Essential Oils has given me some knowledge of oils and supplements, but what does my Catholic faith have to do with any of this. Well, if it weren't for my desire to get married in the Catholic Church, I never would have learned about charting my cycles. Through my frustrations with Natural Family Planning (NFP), I was actually able to identify that there was something going on with my body before I ever got pregnant or started trying for a baby. Since I was using Natural Family Planning, I looked for an NFP doctor and found a wonderful woman named April Lind (she's at the Maple Grove Park Nicollet Clinic and only takes new NFP patients). Through working with her, I was able to look at my chart and identify that I likely did have PCOS. Unfortunately, the Park Nicollet system was working against her and we could only go so far with natural treatments. However, Dr. Lind did recommend a few books that I have found extremely helpful in learning more about my body and how to treat my issues naturally.
I quickly read through Making Babies by Sami David and Taking Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler. These books have become go to resources for me along with Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition which was published by the Couple to Couple League. These books have taught me about the types of food I need to be eating and the supplements I should be taking to aid in fertility. I have also learned from these books all the important obvious signs and the more subtle signs of ovulation. This knowledge empowers me to not only help myself through the process of trying to conceive, but also to help others find what they need to do as well. Knowledge really is power and without my Catholic Faith and Young Living Essential Oils, I would not have the knowledge I have now.

My cousin's baby.

Today has been an eventful day. I have been sticking to the Paleo diet for about 2 weeks now and have lost 4lbs as of Friday night's weigh in. At work today, a lovely volunteer brought me lunch. A pasta dish... Pasta is full of gluten. Not wanting to be rude, I ate about half of it before I had a class come in for a lesson. I brought the remainder home for my husband to eat. What would you have done in that situation?

After work, I got a call from my sister who totalled her car after someone pulled out on her. Both drivers involved were fine, but confused on what to do about the accident so I helped my sister through the process. Then I got a call from my mom. My closest cousin (in age and relationship) had her baby today. A beautiful little girl. On one hand, I am very excited to see my cousin happy and blessed with this little bundle of joy. I can't wait to meet this little girl. I am sure she will be a blessing in my life too. On the other hand, I feel like I lost one of my friends. It's really rather ridiculous, but now my cousin has a baby and I don't her life is going to change to fit that little baby's needs while mine remains relatively the same. My cousin is starting a family while I am getting out of debt and building a business. I am sad to think about how this might change our relationship. We can no longer make last minute plan to do crazy fun things. We can no longer be as spontaneous and crazy. And we have something that we cannot share. Maybe I am over thinking things. I am sure that things will be fine... Do you have any advice for getting through all of your friends having babies while you wait for your blessing?

Paleo Plans

About 2 years ago when I was trying to figure out my health issues, I learned about the Paleo diet from a Natural Family Planning Facebook Group. I tried it out for about 6 months and had great  results. I lost weight, had more energy, and just felt better overall. I gave up on the diet as life got hectic and we moved a few times. Now we are going back to this lifestyle. (When I say diet for the rest of this entry, I mean way of eating not a temporary weight loss tool.)Why? Well, there are a number of reasons.
Obviously the health benefits are first and foremost. When we eat processed foods we are eating a diet full of chemicals and lacking in the vital nutrients our bodies need. Many of the chemicals in processed foods are phytoestrogens. This means they act like estrogen in your body and drive your estrogen levels up. If you are someone that needs more estrogen this could seem helpful, but it impairs your body in the long run. For someone like me who has more than enough estrogen, the effects are ruinous upon our systems. When we lack vital nutrients from our diet, we cannot run body processes correctly. How can your body create the correct level of hormones if it doesn't have the necessary building blocks? A whole foods based diet like Whole 30 or Paleo ensures that we are getting those vital nutrients without any fillers or chemical products mixed in. If you can afford to eat organically, that will be even better.
Weight loss is another reason that I am returning to this diet. When your diet does not have the proper nutrients, it begins to believe it is starving and acts as such. It builds up fat stores to protect it in the time of famine. This means that no matter how much you exercise, it will be difficult to lose weight. Once your body starts receiving the nutrients and hydration that it needs, it will begin to shed those unneeded fat stores. I have experienced great success with weight loss eating Paleo before and am excited about what I will see as I turn down this road again.
Finally, energy and vitality mean a lot to me as I begin to run a side business on top of my hectic schedule. When I eat clean and get the nutrients my body needs, I have plenty of energy to get through the day. I have no need for a nap or a cup of coffee to pick me up.
If you have never heard of the Paleo diet before, you are probably wondering what it is. Well, it is a whole foods based diet. It eliminates dairy and grains. Some forms of the paleo diet also remove citrus, tomatoes, peppers, eggs, and nuts. It is a diet often used for individuals with autoimmune diseases and can be helpful for children with Autism and ADHD/ADD. When I explained this diet to my mom, her first question was "Well then what do you eat?" This was my question at first too, but I honestly ate better on this diet than I did off. It forced me to try new foods, many of which I found I liked. It also forced me to learn delicious new recipes. The food includes soups, salads, stir frys, steak, burgers. The only limit to the food is your imagination.
I am very excited to start back on this journey. If you would like more information about this diet, I highly recommend
These websites:
www.paleoplan.com - gives tons of great paleo recipes
http://nomnompaleo.com/ - family blog about eating paleo (also recently started a podcast)
These books:
The Paleo Approach and The Paleo Approach Cookbook by Sarah Ballantyne (also has a podcast and Facebook group)
Beyond Bacon: Paleo recipes that respect the whole hog by Matthew McCarry
Well Fed and Well Fed 2 by Melissa Joulwan
The Frugal Paleo Cookbook by Ciarra Hannah
The Paleo Diet and The Paleo Diet Cookbook by Loren Cordain

What does your diet look like? Have you ever considered eating paleo before?

Happy Mother's Day to Every Mother!

I've been crying a lot the last two days. I am just dreading Mother's Day. Last year on Mother's Day we were excitedly awaiting the arrival of Taylor Grace, but this year I am remembering that we lost her. I am feeling quite alone in this too. I am still a mother and I know this to be true, but no one else seems to remember this. So I sit home alone remembering that I don't have a baby to hold while everyone else is out celebrating their blessings. I decided this was not how I wanted to spend my weekend, so I decided to share my struggle with others. The love I received is beyond measure. I am so glad to have friends that have experienced loss as well. I am not happy that they know the hurt I do, but rather that we can hold each other up when the one is hurting. My goal this weekend is to share my story so that other women who faced similar loss know they are still remembered and loved, so to all you women out there: those struggling to conceive, those who have conceived and lost, and those who still have babies in their arms today- Happy Mother's Day!

For those struggling to conceive, I pray that you will soon know the blessing of having a baby in your arms as well. May God raise you up and bring you peace this very difficult weekend.

Hey Doc... I'm sorry.

     The three months since I visited the doctor are more than over. I'm not pregnant yet, and now I have to go see my doctor and admit that I have not been charting or taking the Metformin. The charting is pure forgetfulness on my part. I wait until bed time to chart and then fall asleep without recording my daily observations. Then I fight with my alarm clock in the morning and finally climb out of bed forgetting to temp or use a pregnancy or ovulation test. Basically, I suck at charting. Before you comment, yes, I have alarms and notes to remind myself, but they never seem to actually work to remind me.... I'll have to remember to change the times on the reminders.
     Now I will be calling my doctor and dragging my tail in to explain how Metformin and Clomid will never be a part of my plan. I will get pregnant naturally, or not at all. I will have to get updated hormone tests. Once we see the test results, we should be able to tweak my diet and exercise plans to address any problems. In the meantime, I will be going back to gluten and dairy free, as well as increasing my cardio workouts.
Do you have any advice for talking to the doctor about different options? Any suggestions to naturally improve hormone levels and fertility?

Why I cried today.. or at least part of it.

Anyone who knows me knows that I cry pretty easily under the right conditions. The conditions that cause me to cry are hunger, heat, exhaustion, and frustration. Today I cried from a combination of two: frustration and fatigue. I have been trying to deal with my PCOS without Metformin for about 2 months now. My last cycle came on time, but the current one is a few days late. Looking back, I know there were a few things I did during that cycle that I didn't do this cycle. Today, I went to a class taught by Dr. Dan Purser on hormone health. It was very informative and I gained some great insights that I will be putting into place in the next few weeks, but that's not what I am talking about today. After sitting all day in a classroom, I was a little bit tired which puts me in the right condition to start to cry, but what really made me cry was having the opportunity to have my question about PCOS answered and the answer Dr. Purser gave.

I worked up the courage to ask Dr. Purser whether I really needed to be on Metformin for PCOS or if I could avoid it. He went above and beyond in answering my question. He informed me that I did not need to be on Metformin, but if I decided to go back to it CoQ10 would eliminate most of the side effects I was experiencing. He understood that I wanted a more natural option that would support my system while I still felt good. He recommended Thyromin for thyroid support along with OmegaGize which contains DHA, D3, and CoQ10. Finally he recommended to continue use of the bioidentical progesterones I have been using. (Progessence Plus topically and Prometrium vaginally) But then he went on to explain more about my disease.

Dr. Purser explained that oftentimes a diagnosis of PCOS is not correct, but simply what women with hormone imbalances are diagnosed with. 1 in 11 women are actually struggling with polycystic ovarian syndrome. Women with PCOS are often hypothyroid with cold hands and feet and chronic fatigue. They also have high testosterone and low progesterone. (In my case almost non-existent.) When these women get the right dose of progesterone and support their thyroids, their testosterone often drops to a healthy level. He continued on to express the strengths of these women.

Women with PCOS were built genetically for an agrarian culture. They are strong and strong willed. They are able to help cultivate the land and raise the children. They are food storers (explains the weight around our middles) and store lots of energy. This also means that we often intimidate men. We are likely a super race and have a super human power that has not yet been identified. (Maybe our ability to deal with grief from infertility and loss.) This answer was much more than what I was looking for. Now not only do I know which supplements will help me, but I confirmed that I am superwoman!

Love and Blessings to all the other superwomen out there!

Mom! You made me cry!

Today started off as a normal day. Yesterday, lovely Aunt Flo arrived. Although that means we are not pregnant this month, it also means that the medicine is working. My cycle was a little long this time, but only by about a week rather than a month. I am actually feeling fairly good too, no horrible cramps like I usually get. Today I woke up tired, still recovering from a long weekend off of my normal sleep cycle, but I was on time to work and the students were well behaved.
I taught my normal morning classes for a Thursday, and found a little 5 minute break to sneak away and check my phone. My husband works second shift, so during the week my phone fills in for him. He always checks the mail right away when it comes, and today was no different. What came in the mail was. Waiting for me on my phone was a text message from my husband. He told me that my mom had sent a check for us to use to put Gracie's name on the preborn baby memorial at our church. We had been talking about getting her name up there since we found out the memorial existed, but we never had the funds to do so. We planned to get our taxes filed sometime within the next month and use the return to help fund this. I assumed that my mom had sent a part of the cost to do it. I never expected her to send anything, so I was grateful that she thought of us. I asked my husband how much she had sent, and she had sent the full amount! Now, I had only found a 5 minute break and had to get back to class. Luckily, I was just helping the students with their projects because I was struggling not to cry.
I love my mom so much, and she has been a great support since the loss of Gracie. I know she understands what we are going through because she lost her own baby before I came along. She was there when we buried Gracie and she has come through for us again. I just hope that when we finally bring our babies into the world I can be even half the mom she is. Thank you mom for all you do!

Valentine's Finances

Our Valentine's Day celebration got off to a rough start when we began discussing finances. Since we got married a little over a year ago, we have been struggling to join our finances together and stick to a budget. With Eric on 2nd shift, and me on 1st, at times we can act like we are still single, making large purchases without consulting one another. Our little fight this particular morning was about whether taking out loans and having a credit score was good. I've recently taken to listening to Dave Ramsey, and my husband came from a much different family background than I did in terms of spending. Since I have nearly $40,000 in student loans and I believe in Dave Ramsey's plan, I believe that debt is horrible. This feeling has gotten worse as we have moved toward becoming parents because my debt will hold me back from being a stay-at-home mom. He feels that debt is the reason that we are where we are today, and that we would be in a bad position if we did not have the debt for the reasons we do. In any case, we ended up talking it out and agreeing on what we would do with money in the future regardless of what we have done with money in the past.
We decided to skip our lunch plans, go home, and sit down to figure out our budget. We wrote out our expenses for the month and the minimum amount of income we made per month. We were happy to find that we have about $345 at the end of the month that we can throw at our debt. Unfortunately, up till now we have not been using this money to pay for the debt. Going forward, we are excited to use this money, along with any extra money we make from overtime, tutoring, or essential oils to kick our debt out of our lives.
Looking at our debts, made us really consider whether we were ready to have a family or not. At 25 and 26, we have plenty of time to start a family. However, my husband does want a baby before he is 30 and I would like to have a large family, God willing. After some discussion, we decided that we would keep on the path that we are currently on. It may mean that I won't be able to stay home full time with our first baby, but if we really work at our finances, I will be able to stay home with the babies that follow. We decided that we did not need to work on getting pregnant like we were desperate for a baby, but simply follow the doctors instructions and focus on getting healthy in mind, body, spirit, and finances. I am so grateful for the times that we have together to discuss these things.

How do you handle finances with your spouse? If you are a stay-at-home mom, how do you make that work financially?

Honesty, Testimony, and Friendship

One of the reasons I decided to start this blog was to share my struggle with other women, so they would know they are not alone in this. I have been blessed in my life with women who have been willing to share what they have gone through and support me in my journey.

When I first realized that my charts did not look like the "normal" charts, I was angry. I was angry that the people in the NFP class lied to me. They told me that NFP was for everyone, but it couldn't be for me because my charts made no sense. When I went back for chart reviews, the teachers played little videos intended to get you interested in using NFP, but offered little help and advice when it came to my actual chart. Every time I left a class or chart review, I came out more and more confused. I would go home and cry and yell and throw my chart across the room in frustration at it all. Then I found some NFP support groups on Facebook and an NFP doctor near my home. God bless these women! I expressed my frustration on the message boards and received so much support. I found out I wasn't the only one that had these issues, and this was the first time I heard of PCOS and realized that it might be what is causing me so much trouble. When I visited the doctor she agreed with me that it was likely PCOS, but needed to run tests to confirm it.

After going to the doctor for the first time, I posted about the possibility of having PCOS. By posting this to my Facebook page I learned that two of my cousins also had PCOS. Slowly, I was forming my support network. When I lost baby Gracie, I grew my support group even more by joining groups for mothers who had lost their children. Sharing my grief has definitely helped me. When my PCOS was confirmed, I joined PCOS support groups on Facebook as well. Today, I plan to finally call the Psychologist my doctor recommended and really deal with the grief that I have been holding onto since I lost Gracie. I truly believe that in order for your body to work right, your spirit and heart need to whole and healed as well. All of these things are helping to bring my body into balance and get things working.

Because I have no filter and no problem telling the world what's really going on my life, and because of how much other people's testimonies have helped me on this journey, I have been very open about my doctor appointments, emotional struggles, and future hopes. I already know that sharing these things is helping others, and I hope that this blog will further that. On the way to work this morning, while listening to the praise and worship radio station, I reflected on how my life is going and where I want to see it go. I am currently having a bit of a career crisis. I am a school teacher, but I am burnt out on helicopter parents, spoiled children, and lack of administrative support. I just don't feel like teaching is where God is calling me to continue my service to him. So as I drove, I reflected on what is really driving me these days, and found that helping others who are in a similar situation to mine, as well as helping mothers with babies young children has given me more joy than teaching does.

In the past week, I have had a few experiences in this area that have helped me to come to the realization that my future is in teaching mothers, not elementary students. A few days ago, I went to discuss with another teacher, a particular child's behavior. We ended up at the same conclusion that there are parent and student issues at work, and we can only do what we can do. We began talking about the stress of teaching and I expressed how the stress really gets to me and makes it harder for us to get pregnant. She then told me she was in the same boat, and we continued talking only to find that we have the same disease and just started going to the same clinic. Sharing with her brought me a lot of joy, and I feel like she was blessed by the discussion as well. Last night, I visited a friend who has a 3 month old preemie. The little pumpkin is having a difficult time sleeping and eating because of acid reflux. I decided to bring over a few of my essential oils to help the little one. I had an extra diffuser, some Lavender, Peace & Calming, and a diluted bottle of Digize. I showed my friend how to use each of them and then held the little girl for a good hour. The mom was so happy because the baby is usually screaming and crying, but she was peacefully sleeping when I left. All I did was hold the baby, but for that little bit, I helped a busy mom. Because these experiences really helped me to feel fulfilled, I have decided to put my heart and soul into Young Living as a business and focus on helping women with natural treatments for fertility and for their children. I am also considering becoming a Natural Family Planning teacher so that I can better serve women like myself who are struggling with the use of NFP in their marriage.

Treatments and Hope

Once you are diagnosed with something, you have the blessing of being able to treat it. The doctors we worked with and my own research had us believing long before I was diagnosed that I had PCOS, so while we were waiting on the final confirmed diagnosis, we tried a number of treatments on our own.

Through the research we have done, we learned about a number of chemicals that can act as estrogens and mess with hormonal balance in the body. To combat this, we began swapping out our products for natural products. We did a lot of research before deciding that Young Living had the products and support that we needed. Young Living is an essential oils company, but they also have a number of pure natural personal care and cleaning products. We switched out our body washes, shampoo, cleaning products, and medication with the products from Young Living. This made my husband jump on board with getting healthy overall. He has been reading labels, going to the doctor and the dentist, and trying to quit smoking. I definitely appreciate his enthusiasm.
One of the things we found with Young Living that has been effective in balancing our emotions and rebuilding a connection with each other has been the Raindrop Technique. It is a massage technique that incorporates essential oils to aid with emotional release and cleansing of the body. It has helped tremendously with my husband's stress level since his promotion at work.

Aside from switching out our everyday products, we have been trying to eat more whole foods as well. We switched from your typical Midwest casserole diet to the Paleo diet. With this diet we learned a lot of interesting new things about each other. We learned that neither of us can tolerate squash. (My husband got the stomach flu the day after eating stuffed squash and swears it was caused by the squash- he's also terrified of almonds! I just don't like squash.) We learned that anything with mushrooms in it tastes solely of mushrooms when reheated. We also learned that grocery shopping once a week instead of every two weeks is the best thing when purchasing fresh vegetables. I love cooking, so finding new recipes to try was lots of fun. The not so fun part was the amount of time it took to prepare the meals in a tight schedule. We found that cooking ahead for the week on Saturday or Sunday saved a lot of time during the week. I found a number of support groups and websites to aid us in transitioning to this diet.

After reading the book Making Babies by Sami David, we went to the doctors to run some tests on both of us. We waited quite a while until my tests made any sense, and my husband's tests all came back normal. We decided, based on some surveys in the book, on a supplement regimen for both of us. Mine has been tweaked by the doctor along the way, but his has stayed fairly steady. He takes L-Arginine, a multi-vitamin, Clorophyl, ICP Fiber, and Fish Oil. Since he cannot swallow pills, my coffee grinder has become a vitamin grinder, and he mixes his vitamin powder with an Arbonne Fizzy Stick every morning. I am taking a long list of supplements, and will be adding more. My daily regimen consists of Flax Seed Oil, Super B Complex, Calcium, Prenatal, Zinc, Magnesium, Vitamin D, and ICP Fiber. On my doctor's recommendation I will also be adding an iodine supplement and may need to take iron depending on how my next round of blood tests turns out.

In addition to eating healthy and getting the proper nutrients, I also needed to make sure I was being active enough. I recently signed up for a gym membership to give myself more motivation to work out. The gym is open 24 hours and only 5 minutes from our house so I really have no reason not to go. I love the elliptical machine, but I am frightened by the treadmill. I like doing free-weights for toning and cannot wait for my one-on-one session with the trainer to learn how all the fancy machines work. I would love to do a Zumba or Step Aerobics class sometime. I have always loved those programs.

All of these things are natural ways that we have started to work on getting our bodies to the best possible health. Although I still do not have a regulated cycle, I have seen an improvement in my moods and energy just by doing these things. I hope that continuing them in combination with my new medications will bring about our long awaited rainbow baby.

Diagnosis...Finally.

Well we made it through the holidays and Gracie's due date, and we are feeling much more hopeful about our future children these days. If you can remember from my original post, we realized there was an issue with my body before we had even gotten married. The problems began as long cycles, which turned into no cycles, and resulted in the loss of our baby Taylor Grace. Before the pregnancy, my doctor had run a profile of hormone tests. These tests appeared to be normal for the time of cycle we assumed I was in. The doctor decided it would be best to wait a cycle and run more hormone tests at various points throughout that cycle. This never happened, of course, because we were pregnant the following cycle. Unfortunately, this pregnancy resulted in a loss that we will always mourn. After the pregnancy, my ob/gyn told me to wait 3 cycles and try again. I started charting again in hopes that the pregnancy might have reset my body. Instead, it appeared to make it worse. Not once did I identify signs of ovulation, even though my cycle was a "normal" length for two months in a row. As I waited for the 3rd cycle to come to an end so we could try again, I realized that I was back where we started. This cycle lasted over 70 days before I called the doctor to get progesterone to cause a withdrawal bleed. She told me to wait and see what the next cycle did. This one lasted 50 days before I gave in and called the doctor. I did not want to wait another long cycle for more answers, so I decided to investigate other clinics.

It did not take me long to identify 2 clinics I was interested in working with. The first clinic I remembered from the only Couple-to-Couple League class my husband and I attended (long story short, the teacher didn't know what to do with my charts, so out of frustration we skipped the next 2 classes). This clinic is called the AALFA clinic. The other clinic I was interested in trying was one that focused on natural care through the use of essential oils and supplements. First, I set up an appointment with the natural clinic. I had to wait a little over a month to get in, but my friends kept assuring me the doctor at this clinic was worth the wait. I took the day off to go see this doctor only to have her call that morning to let me know my appointment had to be cancelled  since she was ill. I was absolutely devastated. Not only had I been waiting so long to see this doctor in hopes of having an answer, but I also took off one of the few remaining sick days I had. (Catholic school teachers don't get that many.) I called my HR director in tears to find out whether I would have enough sick days to go see her another day, or if I could come in to save the sick day I had used that day. My lovely HR director assured me I had enough sick days to stay home for my mental health. She then called me back in a half hour to recommend the AALFA clinic. I am so glad that I called that clinic.

I was able to get in with the AALFA clinic the following Monday. On Mondays, most of my day is prep time, so I was able to go to the appointment without using anymore sick time. The lovely doctor I saw flipped through the hormone tests I had brought with me, as well as my NFP charts, and was quickly able to diagnose my problem. I have PCOS. She explained that PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is caused by "naughty genes" that I inherited. From my understanding, it is essentially an insulin resistance that causes issues with weight loss and hormones. My symptoms matched right up: low progesterone during the pregnancy, my hormone ratios, acne, facial and stomach hair, excess weight around my middle, and long, irregular, even nonexistent cycles. With a diagnosis, I am now able to get proper treatment. This happy, well-informed doctor listed off the natural supplements that would help me, informed me of the diet I should be eating, and prescribed medicine to treat the insulin resistance. She also made it quite clear that we should be pregnant within the next three months.Yay! I am looking forward to getting healthy and the possibility of having our little Clara.

Holidays and Due Dates

Some days are harder than others, and I'm sure anyone who has experienced a loss understands this. Some days I am so happy with my life and the way things are going that I can let go of the hurt that Gracie is gone and just be thankful that my Lord is holding her close to His heart. Other days are more painful. The holidays, the due date of a lost baby, and the anniversary of a loss are all tough days for mothers of angel children. Gracie's due date was on January 2nd, so we had compounded hurt in our hearts over the holiday season. Let's just say most of December and this first week of January were very difficult.
The wounds reopened for me when my friend gave birth to her beautiful baby girl. (Don't get me wrong, I am ever grateful to God for this precious child and, after all my friend has been through with losing her son, she truly deserved this sweet blessing, but her baby was supposed to be due a week before mine.) The birth of Gilli turned my mind to the thought of how we wouldn't get to meet Gracie when we should. Gilli was born mid-November, so by the beginning of December I was beginning to feel ok again, but then we started working on Christmas preparations.
Gracie was not due until January, but if she had been here, we still would have had her included in the Christmas festivities. She may have been unborn, but she was not unloved. My husband and I decided to include her this year just the same. First, we decided to buy an ornament to hang on the tree for her. We chose a angel snow baby holding a heart that had love written on it. It was simple, sweet, and pure just like our little intercessor. Then we got to stockings, I didn't feel right hanging a stocking for all of our pets, but not hanging one for Gracie. We got a stocking for Gracie, but then I needed to fill it with something, and what would we ever fill it with? Eric and I decided to find a needy mom and donate the baby things she needed in Gracie's name. As I talked to this mother who had lost her children's father a month prior, I could not keep the tears from falling down my face. Why do we lose people that are so precious to us? Children lose parents, and parents lose children. It is completely unfair. The days moved along, and I worried about how I would feel at family gatherings when Christmas eventually came.
My extended family is very close on both my mom's side and my dad's side. We celebrated Christmas with my dad's family on Christmas Day. My closest cousin is pregnant, but all I could be was happy for her. This family get together of over 60 cousins, 20 aunts and uncles, and numerous children was a happy experience, but the Saturday following Christmas was the gathering I was most nervous about. There would be 4 babies there and 3 pregnant cousins. Fortunately, this was also a happy occasion. I spent most of the day playing with the cutest little girls on the planet. Let's just say I got my baby fix in that day. As we left that day however, I did feel a little sting of jealousy. Out of the 4 married grandchildren, I was the only one who wasn't pregnant, and who couldn't get pregnant no matter how hard she tried.
Finally, the week of Gracie's due date came. Things were rather normal at our house. We just relaxed and enjoyed New Year's Eve together, but on the evening of New Years Day, the day before Gracie was supposed to be due, we decided to watch a movie together. Eric listed off the movies we owned, and I decided on Knocked Up. (My advice to those of you about to mourn what should have been your child's due date is not to watch movies about pregnant women and babies.) I got through the movie just fine without it even touching a nerve, but my husband did not fare so well. He broke down crying as soon as the movie was done. He sobbed about how unfair it was that we lost our Gracie and now couldn't get pregnant. He showed me that I was not alone in wanting desperately to have a baby. It seems that when you have been told that something is out of reach, you want it all the more. On Gracie's due date, we visited her grave for a few cold, solemn moments before we drove home talking about our plans to get healthy so that maybe our luck would turn.
In the end, life is an emotional ride whether you experience losses like these or not. There will always be a loved one who should have been there, and the joyful expectation of another life joining your family circle. It may not be in your immediate family, and it may not even be in your family, but in your circle of friends. There are ups and downs and bumps in the road, but the best we can do is hold strong and have trust that things will turn out the way God has planned. We know that His plans are always better than ours and will lead us to a life of fulfillment and purpose if we just hand over our worries to him.