Today started off as a normal day. Yesterday, lovely Aunt Flo arrived. Although that means we are not pregnant this month, it also means that the medicine is working. My cycle was a little long this time, but only by about a week rather than a month. I am actually feeling fairly good too, no horrible cramps like I usually get. Today I woke up tired, still recovering from a long weekend off of my normal sleep cycle, but I was on time to work and the students were well behaved.
I taught my normal morning classes for a Thursday, and found a little 5 minute break to sneak away and check my phone. My husband works second shift, so during the week my phone fills in for him. He always checks the mail right away when it comes, and today was no different. What came in the mail was. Waiting for me on my phone was a text message from my husband. He told me that my mom had sent a check for us to use to put Gracie's name on the preborn baby memorial at our church. We had been talking about getting her name up there since we found out the memorial existed, but we never had the funds to do so. We planned to get our taxes filed sometime within the next month and use the return to help fund this. I assumed that my mom had sent a part of the cost to do it. I never expected her to send anything, so I was grateful that she thought of us. I asked my husband how much she had sent, and she had sent the full amount! Now, I had only found a 5 minute break and had to get back to class. Luckily, I was just helping the students with their projects because I was struggling not to cry.
I love my mom so much, and she has been a great support since the loss of Gracie. I know she understands what we are going through because she lost her own baby before I came along. She was there when we buried Gracie and she has come through for us again. I just hope that when we finally bring our babies into the world I can be even half the mom she is. Thank you mom for all you do!
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Valentine's Finances
Our Valentine's Day celebration got off to a rough start when we began discussing finances. Since we got married a little over a year ago, we have been struggling to join our finances together and stick to a budget. With Eric on 2nd shift, and me on 1st, at times we can act like we are still single, making large purchases without consulting one another. Our little fight this particular morning was about whether taking out loans and having a credit score was good. I've recently taken to listening to Dave Ramsey, and my husband came from a much different family background than I did in terms of spending. Since I have nearly $40,000 in student loans and I believe in Dave Ramsey's plan, I believe that debt is horrible. This feeling has gotten worse as we have moved toward becoming parents because my debt will hold me back from being a stay-at-home mom. He feels that debt is the reason that we are where we are today, and that we would be in a bad position if we did not have the debt for the reasons we do. In any case, we ended up talking it out and agreeing on what we would do with money in the future regardless of what we have done with money in the past.
We decided to skip our lunch plans, go home, and sit down to figure out our budget. We wrote out our expenses for the month and the minimum amount of income we made per month. We were happy to find that we have about $345 at the end of the month that we can throw at our debt. Unfortunately, up till now we have not been using this money to pay for the debt. Going forward, we are excited to use this money, along with any extra money we make from overtime, tutoring, or essential oils to kick our debt out of our lives.
Looking at our debts, made us really consider whether we were ready to have a family or not. At 25 and 26, we have plenty of time to start a family. However, my husband does want a baby before he is 30 and I would like to have a large family, God willing. After some discussion, we decided that we would keep on the path that we are currently on. It may mean that I won't be able to stay home full time with our first baby, but if we really work at our finances, I will be able to stay home with the babies that follow. We decided that we did not need to work on getting pregnant like we were desperate for a baby, but simply follow the doctors instructions and focus on getting healthy in mind, body, spirit, and finances. I am so grateful for the times that we have together to discuss these things.
How do you handle finances with your spouse? If you are a stay-at-home mom, how do you make that work financially?
We decided to skip our lunch plans, go home, and sit down to figure out our budget. We wrote out our expenses for the month and the minimum amount of income we made per month. We were happy to find that we have about $345 at the end of the month that we can throw at our debt. Unfortunately, up till now we have not been using this money to pay for the debt. Going forward, we are excited to use this money, along with any extra money we make from overtime, tutoring, or essential oils to kick our debt out of our lives.
Looking at our debts, made us really consider whether we were ready to have a family or not. At 25 and 26, we have plenty of time to start a family. However, my husband does want a baby before he is 30 and I would like to have a large family, God willing. After some discussion, we decided that we would keep on the path that we are currently on. It may mean that I won't be able to stay home full time with our first baby, but if we really work at our finances, I will be able to stay home with the babies that follow. We decided that we did not need to work on getting pregnant like we were desperate for a baby, but simply follow the doctors instructions and focus on getting healthy in mind, body, spirit, and finances. I am so grateful for the times that we have together to discuss these things.
How do you handle finances with your spouse? If you are a stay-at-home mom, how do you make that work financially?
Friday, February 6, 2015
Honesty, Testimony, and Friendship
One of the reasons I decided to start this blog was to share my struggle with other women, so they would know they are not alone in this. I have been blessed in my life with women who have been willing to share what they have gone through and support me in my journey.
When I first realized that my charts did not look like the "normal" charts, I was angry. I was angry that the people in the NFP class lied to me. They told me that NFP was for everyone, but it couldn't be for me because my charts made no sense. When I went back for chart reviews, the teachers played little videos intended to get you interested in using NFP, but offered little help and advice when it came to my actual chart. Every time I left a class or chart review, I came out more and more confused. I would go home and cry and yell and throw my chart across the room in frustration at it all. Then I found some NFP support groups on Facebook and an NFP doctor near my home. God bless these women! I expressed my frustration on the message boards and received so much support. I found out I wasn't the only one that had these issues, and this was the first time I heard of PCOS and realized that it might be what is causing me so much trouble. When I visited the doctor she agreed with me that it was likely PCOS, but needed to run tests to confirm it.
After going to the doctor for the first time, I posted about the possibility of having PCOS. By posting this to my Facebook page I learned that two of my cousins also had PCOS. Slowly, I was forming my support network. When I lost baby Gracie, I grew my support group even more by joining groups for mothers who had lost their children. Sharing my grief has definitely helped me. When my PCOS was confirmed, I joined PCOS support groups on Facebook as well. Today, I plan to finally call the Psychologist my doctor recommended and really deal with the grief that I have been holding onto since I lost Gracie. I truly believe that in order for your body to work right, your spirit and heart need to whole and healed as well. All of these things are helping to bring my body into balance and get things working.
Because I have no filter and no problem telling the world what's really going on my life, and because of how much other people's testimonies have helped me on this journey, I have been very open about my doctor appointments, emotional struggles, and future hopes. I already know that sharing these things is helping others, and I hope that this blog will further that. On the way to work this morning, while listening to the praise and worship radio station, I reflected on how my life is going and where I want to see it go. I am currently having a bit of a career crisis. I am a school teacher, but I am burnt out on helicopter parents, spoiled children, and lack of administrative support. I just don't feel like teaching is where God is calling me to continue my service to him. So as I drove, I reflected on what is really driving me these days, and found that helping others who are in a similar situation to mine, as well as helping mothers with babies young children has given me more joy than teaching does.
In the past week, I have had a few experiences in this area that have helped me to come to the realization that my future is in teaching mothers, not elementary students. A few days ago, I went to discuss with another teacher, a particular child's behavior. We ended up at the same conclusion that there are parent and student issues at work, and we can only do what we can do. We began talking about the stress of teaching and I expressed how the stress really gets to me and makes it harder for us to get pregnant. She then told me she was in the same boat, and we continued talking only to find that we have the same disease and just started going to the same clinic. Sharing with her brought me a lot of joy, and I feel like she was blessed by the discussion as well. Last night, I visited a friend who has a 3 month old preemie. The little pumpkin is having a difficult time sleeping and eating because of acid reflux. I decided to bring over a few of my essential oils to help the little one. I had an extra diffuser, some Lavender, Peace & Calming, and a diluted bottle of Digize. I showed my friend how to use each of them and then held the little girl for a good hour. The mom was so happy because the baby is usually screaming and crying, but she was peacefully sleeping when I left. All I did was hold the baby, but for that little bit, I helped a busy mom. Because these experiences really helped me to feel fulfilled, I have decided to put my heart and soul into Young Living as a business and focus on helping women with natural treatments for fertility and for their children. I am also considering becoming a Natural Family Planning teacher so that I can better serve women like myself who are struggling with the use of NFP in their marriage.
When I first realized that my charts did not look like the "normal" charts, I was angry. I was angry that the people in the NFP class lied to me. They told me that NFP was for everyone, but it couldn't be for me because my charts made no sense. When I went back for chart reviews, the teachers played little videos intended to get you interested in using NFP, but offered little help and advice when it came to my actual chart. Every time I left a class or chart review, I came out more and more confused. I would go home and cry and yell and throw my chart across the room in frustration at it all. Then I found some NFP support groups on Facebook and an NFP doctor near my home. God bless these women! I expressed my frustration on the message boards and received so much support. I found out I wasn't the only one that had these issues, and this was the first time I heard of PCOS and realized that it might be what is causing me so much trouble. When I visited the doctor she agreed with me that it was likely PCOS, but needed to run tests to confirm it.
After going to the doctor for the first time, I posted about the possibility of having PCOS. By posting this to my Facebook page I learned that two of my cousins also had PCOS. Slowly, I was forming my support network. When I lost baby Gracie, I grew my support group even more by joining groups for mothers who had lost their children. Sharing my grief has definitely helped me. When my PCOS was confirmed, I joined PCOS support groups on Facebook as well. Today, I plan to finally call the Psychologist my doctor recommended and really deal with the grief that I have been holding onto since I lost Gracie. I truly believe that in order for your body to work right, your spirit and heart need to whole and healed as well. All of these things are helping to bring my body into balance and get things working.
Because I have no filter and no problem telling the world what's really going on my life, and because of how much other people's testimonies have helped me on this journey, I have been very open about my doctor appointments, emotional struggles, and future hopes. I already know that sharing these things is helping others, and I hope that this blog will further that. On the way to work this morning, while listening to the praise and worship radio station, I reflected on how my life is going and where I want to see it go. I am currently having a bit of a career crisis. I am a school teacher, but I am burnt out on helicopter parents, spoiled children, and lack of administrative support. I just don't feel like teaching is where God is calling me to continue my service to him. So as I drove, I reflected on what is really driving me these days, and found that helping others who are in a similar situation to mine, as well as helping mothers with babies young children has given me more joy than teaching does.
In the past week, I have had a few experiences in this area that have helped me to come to the realization that my future is in teaching mothers, not elementary students. A few days ago, I went to discuss with another teacher, a particular child's behavior. We ended up at the same conclusion that there are parent and student issues at work, and we can only do what we can do. We began talking about the stress of teaching and I expressed how the stress really gets to me and makes it harder for us to get pregnant. She then told me she was in the same boat, and we continued talking only to find that we have the same disease and just started going to the same clinic. Sharing with her brought me a lot of joy, and I feel like she was blessed by the discussion as well. Last night, I visited a friend who has a 3 month old preemie. The little pumpkin is having a difficult time sleeping and eating because of acid reflux. I decided to bring over a few of my essential oils to help the little one. I had an extra diffuser, some Lavender, Peace & Calming, and a diluted bottle of Digize. I showed my friend how to use each of them and then held the little girl for a good hour. The mom was so happy because the baby is usually screaming and crying, but she was peacefully sleeping when I left. All I did was hold the baby, but for that little bit, I helped a busy mom. Because these experiences really helped me to feel fulfilled, I have decided to put my heart and soul into Young Living as a business and focus on helping women with natural treatments for fertility and for their children. I am also considering becoming a Natural Family Planning teacher so that I can better serve women like myself who are struggling with the use of NFP in their marriage.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Treatments and Hope
Once you are diagnosed with something, you have the blessing of being able to treat it. The doctors we worked with and my own research had us believing long before I was diagnosed that I had PCOS, so while we were waiting on the final confirmed diagnosis, we tried a number of treatments on our own.
Through the research we have done, we learned about a number of chemicals that can act as estrogens and mess with hormonal balance in the body. To combat this, we began swapping out our products for natural products. We did a lot of research before deciding that Young Living had the products and support that we needed. Young Living is an essential oils company, but they also have a number of pure natural personal care and cleaning products. We switched out our body washes, shampoo, cleaning products, and medication with the products from Young Living. This made my husband jump on board with getting healthy overall. He has been reading labels, going to the doctor and the dentist, and trying to quit smoking. I definitely appreciate his enthusiasm.
One of the things we found with Young Living that has been effective in balancing our emotions and rebuilding a connection with each other has been the Raindrop Technique. It is a massage technique that incorporates essential oils to aid with emotional release and cleansing of the body. It has helped tremendously with my husband's stress level since his promotion at work.
Aside from switching out our everyday products, we have been trying to eat more whole foods as well. We switched from your typical Midwest casserole diet to the Paleo diet. With this diet we learned a lot of interesting new things about each other. We learned that neither of us can tolerate squash. (My husband got the stomach flu the day after eating stuffed squash and swears it was caused by the squash- he's also terrified of almonds! I just don't like squash.) We learned that anything with mushrooms in it tastes solely of mushrooms when reheated. We also learned that grocery shopping once a week instead of every two weeks is the best thing when purchasing fresh vegetables. I love cooking, so finding new recipes to try was lots of fun. The not so fun part was the amount of time it took to prepare the meals in a tight schedule. We found that cooking ahead for the week on Saturday or Sunday saved a lot of time during the week. I found a number of support groups and websites to aid us in transitioning to this diet.
After reading the book Making Babies by Sami David, we went to the doctors to run some tests on both of us. We waited quite a while until my tests made any sense, and my husband's tests all came back normal. We decided, based on some surveys in the book, on a supplement regimen for both of us. Mine has been tweaked by the doctor along the way, but his has stayed fairly steady. He takes L-Arginine, a multi-vitamin, Clorophyl, ICP Fiber, and Fish Oil. Since he cannot swallow pills, my coffee grinder has become a vitamin grinder, and he mixes his vitamin powder with an Arbonne Fizzy Stick every morning. I am taking a long list of supplements, and will be adding more. My daily regimen consists of Flax Seed Oil, Super B Complex, Calcium, Prenatal, Zinc, Magnesium, Vitamin D, and ICP Fiber. On my doctor's recommendation I will also be adding an iodine supplement and may need to take iron depending on how my next round of blood tests turns out.
In addition to eating healthy and getting the proper nutrients, I also needed to make sure I was being active enough. I recently signed up for a gym membership to give myself more motivation to work out. The gym is open 24 hours and only 5 minutes from our house so I really have no reason not to go. I love the elliptical machine, but I am frightened by the treadmill. I like doing free-weights for toning and cannot wait for my one-on-one session with the trainer to learn how all the fancy machines work. I would love to do a Zumba or Step Aerobics class sometime. I have always loved those programs.
All of these things are natural ways that we have started to work on getting our bodies to the best possible health. Although I still do not have a regulated cycle, I have seen an improvement in my moods and energy just by doing these things. I hope that continuing them in combination with my new medications will bring about our long awaited rainbow baby.
Through the research we have done, we learned about a number of chemicals that can act as estrogens and mess with hormonal balance in the body. To combat this, we began swapping out our products for natural products. We did a lot of research before deciding that Young Living had the products and support that we needed. Young Living is an essential oils company, but they also have a number of pure natural personal care and cleaning products. We switched out our body washes, shampoo, cleaning products, and medication with the products from Young Living. This made my husband jump on board with getting healthy overall. He has been reading labels, going to the doctor and the dentist, and trying to quit smoking. I definitely appreciate his enthusiasm.
One of the things we found with Young Living that has been effective in balancing our emotions and rebuilding a connection with each other has been the Raindrop Technique. It is a massage technique that incorporates essential oils to aid with emotional release and cleansing of the body. It has helped tremendously with my husband's stress level since his promotion at work.
Aside from switching out our everyday products, we have been trying to eat more whole foods as well. We switched from your typical Midwest casserole diet to the Paleo diet. With this diet we learned a lot of interesting new things about each other. We learned that neither of us can tolerate squash. (My husband got the stomach flu the day after eating stuffed squash and swears it was caused by the squash- he's also terrified of almonds! I just don't like squash.) We learned that anything with mushrooms in it tastes solely of mushrooms when reheated. We also learned that grocery shopping once a week instead of every two weeks is the best thing when purchasing fresh vegetables. I love cooking, so finding new recipes to try was lots of fun. The not so fun part was the amount of time it took to prepare the meals in a tight schedule. We found that cooking ahead for the week on Saturday or Sunday saved a lot of time during the week. I found a number of support groups and websites to aid us in transitioning to this diet.
After reading the book Making Babies by Sami David, we went to the doctors to run some tests on both of us. We waited quite a while until my tests made any sense, and my husband's tests all came back normal. We decided, based on some surveys in the book, on a supplement regimen for both of us. Mine has been tweaked by the doctor along the way, but his has stayed fairly steady. He takes L-Arginine, a multi-vitamin, Clorophyl, ICP Fiber, and Fish Oil. Since he cannot swallow pills, my coffee grinder has become a vitamin grinder, and he mixes his vitamin powder with an Arbonne Fizzy Stick every morning. I am taking a long list of supplements, and will be adding more. My daily regimen consists of Flax Seed Oil, Super B Complex, Calcium, Prenatal, Zinc, Magnesium, Vitamin D, and ICP Fiber. On my doctor's recommendation I will also be adding an iodine supplement and may need to take iron depending on how my next round of blood tests turns out.
In addition to eating healthy and getting the proper nutrients, I also needed to make sure I was being active enough. I recently signed up for a gym membership to give myself more motivation to work out. The gym is open 24 hours and only 5 minutes from our house so I really have no reason not to go. I love the elliptical machine, but I am frightened by the treadmill. I like doing free-weights for toning and cannot wait for my one-on-one session with the trainer to learn how all the fancy machines work. I would love to do a Zumba or Step Aerobics class sometime. I have always loved those programs.
All of these things are natural ways that we have started to work on getting our bodies to the best possible health. Although I still do not have a regulated cycle, I have seen an improvement in my moods and energy just by doing these things. I hope that continuing them in combination with my new medications will bring about our long awaited rainbow baby.
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