One of the reasons I decided to start this blog was to share my struggle with other women, so they would know they are not alone in this. I have been blessed in my life with women who have been willing to share what they have gone through and support me in my journey.
When I first realized that my charts did not look like the "normal" charts, I was angry. I was angry that the people in the NFP class lied to me. They told me that NFP was for everyone, but it couldn't be for me because my charts made no sense. When I went back for chart reviews, the teachers played little videos intended to get you interested in using NFP, but offered little help and advice when it came to my actual chart. Every time I left a class or chart review, I came out more and more confused. I would go home and cry and yell and throw my chart across the room in frustration at it all. Then I found some NFP support groups on Facebook and an NFP doctor near my home. God bless these women! I expressed my frustration on the message boards and received so much support. I found out I wasn't the only one that had these issues, and this was the first time I heard of PCOS and realized that it might be what is causing me so much trouble. When I visited the doctor she agreed with me that it was likely PCOS, but needed to run tests to confirm it.
After going to the doctor for the first time, I posted about the possibility of having PCOS. By posting this to my Facebook page I learned that two of my cousins also had PCOS. Slowly, I was forming my support network. When I lost baby Gracie, I grew my support group even more by joining groups for mothers who had lost their children. Sharing my grief has definitely helped me. When my PCOS was confirmed, I joined PCOS support groups on Facebook as well. Today, I plan to finally call the Psychologist my doctor recommended and really deal with the grief that I have been holding onto since I lost Gracie. I truly believe that in order for your body to work right, your spirit and heart need to whole and healed as well. All of these things are helping to bring my body into balance and get things working.
Because I have no filter and no problem telling the world what's really going on my life, and because of how much other people's testimonies have helped me on this journey, I have been very open about my doctor appointments, emotional struggles, and future hopes. I already know that sharing these things is helping others, and I hope that this blog will further that. On the way to work this morning, while listening to the praise and worship radio station, I reflected on how my life is going and where I want to see it go. I am currently having a bit of a career crisis. I am a school teacher, but I am burnt out on helicopter parents, spoiled children, and lack of administrative support. I just don't feel like teaching is where God is calling me to continue my service to him. So as I drove, I reflected on what is really driving me these days, and found that helping others who are in a similar situation to mine, as well as helping mothers with babies young children has given me more joy than teaching does.
In the past week, I have had a few experiences in this area that have helped me to come to the realization that my future is in teaching mothers, not elementary students. A few days ago, I went to discuss with another teacher, a particular child's behavior. We ended up at the same conclusion that there are parent and student issues at work, and we can only do what we can do. We began talking about the stress of teaching and I expressed how the stress really gets to me and makes it harder for us to get pregnant. She then told me she was in the same boat, and we continued talking only to find that we have the same disease and just started going to the same clinic. Sharing with her brought me a lot of joy, and I feel like she was blessed by the discussion as well. Last night, I visited a friend who has a 3 month old preemie. The little pumpkin is having a difficult time sleeping and eating because of acid reflux. I decided to bring over a few of my essential oils to help the little one. I had an extra diffuser, some Lavender, Peace & Calming, and a diluted bottle of Digize. I showed my friend how to use each of them and then held the little girl for a good hour. The mom was so happy because the baby is usually screaming and crying, but she was peacefully sleeping when I left. All I did was hold the baby, but for that little bit, I helped a busy mom. Because these experiences really helped me to feel fulfilled, I have decided to put my heart and soul into Young Living as a business and focus on helping women with natural treatments for fertility and for their children. I am also considering becoming a Natural Family Planning teacher so that I can better serve women like myself who are struggling with the use of NFP in their marriage.
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